What’s poppin star children! I have missed you from the murky depths of my ancient soul. Speaking of murky depths: It’s Scorpio season AND we’ve got a Mercury retrograde in full swing.
On the first day of November I awoke in the middle of the night, turned to my Scorpio lover, gazed down at their placid sleeping face and thought, The world is your dungeon and we’re just living in it. I was filled with affection for my lover and for Scorpios everywhere, but also a bit of apprehension about such a deeply emotional and confusing month. Then I said to myself, “Hey Sar, get yourself together. Astrology is not deterministic, it is an art based on opportunity and creativity. We should not fear this month of deep and mysterious planetary movements.” Then I felt renewed, inspired, and full of joy. I slipped back under the covers, brain abuzz with horoscope ideas for all my Man Repelling starbabies, and felt a terrible pun rise in my throat. Better out than in, I thought to myself. I re-positioned myself as the big spoon and said to the back of my lover’s sleeping head: “The world is your fun-geon and we’re all just living in it.”
We’re gonna make it through this month, you guys, and it might just be a grand old time with the right attitude and some good socks.
Look at you, with your shining carapace and that devil-may-care attitude! I hope you had/have the most Scorpio-ass birthday party possible. Which, in my mind, would be hosted in a dimly lit room decorated with a variety of furniture that is specially designed for either sex or perhaps medieval interrogation techniques, roulette of various genres, and high levels of intrigue! The birthday cake would be “death by chocolate” and at some point you would shout, “Release the doves!” and (plot twist) a murder of crows would soar through the room. You, dark angel of the zodiac, deserve all this and more.
As Venus enters Sagittarius this month, your power to manifest exactly what you want and need should be amplified. This is the time to radically release anything from the past that you don’t want to carry into the future. If you have a dream that you haven’t made progress toward yet because the time wasn’t quite right, I am here to tell you that the time is now precisely right o’ clock and it would be wise of you to direct some of your solar-return glow in the direction of your heart’s highest dreams. Speaking of dreams, your actual literal ones that happen when you sleep have many messages for you this month, so consider keeping a dream journal to stay on top of these missives from the land o’ nod. Mercury will be retrogradin’ until the 20th, so don’t worry if you’re feeling a little hazy and unclear, just keep looking forward.
You were probably walking down the street recently when, all of a sudden, you became starstruck by some gorgeous being you saw through a window and thought, Damn who is that fine six-limbed, half-horse, half-human, whole-hottie trotting by me rn? Only to realize that it was just a well-cleaned window and you had been staring at your own reflection. Well, you’re not wrong for that. With Venus in Sag this month, you will find that you are so magnetic you won’t even be able to resist yourself. Due to all this magnetic energy around you, you will receive all kinds of invites and opportunities. But, with Mercury retrograde in Scorpio, some of these offers will come from people from your past and you may be better off if you either say no outright, or at least wait until Mercury goes direct on the 20th.
The full moon in Taurus on the 12th promises a burst of productivity. This moon should give you the energy to make that final push toward the completion of a project you’ve been toiling over for some time. Romantically, there is so much whimsy in the air this month for you that many astrologers would tell you to gird your loins and avoid making big wild decisions. But you didn’t come here for that and I am not the one to counsel caution. My advice? Hop on that flight to visit your old flame in Italy or go get yourself Vegas-married this month. And if you’re looking for an officiate, I’ll just say that I believe I was born to preside over questionable spur-of-the-moment romantic unions, so I got your back on this.
November should be the seasonal equivalent of a masquerade ball for you. Not just a normal real-life ball, but one of those impossible period-film masquerade balls where people inexplicably can no longer recognize their friends and lovers just because they have a glittery mask covering literally one fifth of their face and all forms of torrid affairs and various skullduggeries ensue. This is not just my humble wish as a lady who loves skullduggery and scandal, but also as your trustworthy astrologer. You see, Venus will slide into Sagittarius this month and illuminate the portion of your chart that rules the mysterious, internal workings of your heart. This is a time to embrace mystery and get your jollies from the saucy secrets that will undoubtedly arise this month.
The full moon in Taurus will bring an elevated level of intuition into your life. It will be a perfect time for you to delve into all kinds of divinatory practices. Sure, you could get a dream journal or some tarot cards, but why stop there? Get ahead of the occult curve by trying your hand at scrying or perhaps casting lots. No matter the methods you use this month, you have to follow your intuition and listen to that still small voice. If all of the mischievous indulging in secrets and intrigue brings drama into your life, make sure that you stay grounded in your inner truth.
As one of the vanguards of the zodiac, I can always count on you to be forward-thinking. Sure, among the gossipy cliques of the zodiac you have been awarded the “Most Likely to Pass Out Chemtrail Literature” superlative. And sure, I may have once baked an unleavened cake for an Aquarius’s birthday, decorated the cake to look like the earth, and then presented it to them as a tribute to their flat-earth truther tendencies. But this month, you will have the last laugh my friend. With Venus in Sagittarius this month, your future-driven nature should pay off big time. Take some time to write down the life you want for yourself and/or any prophecies that have been bouncing around ya noodle!
We have a full moon in Taurus on the 12th, and with this celestial arrival your gaze will be tugged back down to earth. Issues in the domestic realm may crop up, but most likely these won’t issues won’t come as a surprise. You may have seen them coming in a dream, or interpreted a flight of pigeons as a sign of your mother about to call you with an update about the ongoing scandals at her gardening club. Regardless of the situation, you will need to tap into the most tactful and generous side of yourself because we have Mercury in full retrograde until the 20th and you don’t want to say anything you’ll have to apologize for later.
Pisces, you changeable feast, you basket full of wildflowers, November will be a gorgeous month for you. With Venus in Sagittarius on the first of the month, it is an opportune time for you to step into the spotlight. Have you been considering launching an Instagram account dedicated solely to documenting the life and times of your pet hedgehog? Maybe you have wanted to roll out that blog where you showcase your recipes for cakes that are decorated to look like other foods a la the recent gut-wrenching Great British Bake Off season finale (I am team Steph forever and you can fight me about it)? Now is the time! This charismatic alignment of planets will amplify your efforts and win you the esteem of fellow hedgehog-owning, cake-liars everywhere! But beware, with Mercury retrogradin’ until the 20th, you could encounter some scoundrels from your past that don’t want you to shine like the rainbow fish that you are. Don’t take the bait (re: that excellent pun: I am proud and I stand by it)!
The full moon in Taurus will bring revelations of all kinds. It may be difficult for your tender water-sign heart with your characteristic empathy-overdrive to stand up and assert yourself in some situations, but if you’ve been holding back in your relationships, these feelings can overwhelm you. It is time to say what you mean. That doesn’t mean you have to morph yourself overnight into a hardened tell-it-like-it-is alpha. You can bring all of your sensitivity and compassion to the confrontation. Use “I” statements, state your feelings clearly without blame, and just in case that fails, have a friend call you at an appointed time so that you can pretend something is on fire and make a quick exit, go home, block the person you were confronting on all social media, and have your mom tell them you have left the country.
For you, Aries, the stars predict a month that enters with a bang. Venus in Sagittarius at the start of the month has you itching to get out of town. This is the time to embark on a grand adventure. And when I say adventure, what are the first words that come to your mind? Hot air balloon trip, right? Or is that just me? Whatever your first words were, my celestial advice is to do that thing. Sure, maybe you don’t want to be miracuously lifted off of the ground in a human-sized basket as a multicolored balloon lifts you into the sky to the realm where only birds and gods dwell. Sure, maybe your adventure won’t give you the ability to stare down at the vast land below and laugh at the puny destinies of all the earth-bound mortals. That doesn’t mean that your adventure isn’t valid! The stars say take the leap!
A word of caution: Mercury is in retrograde until the 20th. So if your grand adventure does include travel, make sure you take the necessary precautions and don’t leave your cellphone in that useless seat back pocket on the plane where all my sunglasses go to die every time I board a plane. The full moon in Taurus will bring you the opportunity to let go of anything that no longer serves you. For all my fire-rams out there, it’s looking like this may mean letting go of some relationships or aspects of relationships that have grown stale and are holding you back from your grand destiny. I wish you luck and courage and chic adventure outfits in sweat-wicking fabrics.
Salutations Taurus, I feel like we haven’t talked in three million years. What have I been up to, you ask? Oh, you know, thinking a lot about how we are trapped in these suits of skin that hang off a rack of bones and the whole business is, like, magically electrified and self-conscious. Also, trying to make knee high socks more of a thing in my life. Speaking of things in one’s life— how ‘bout that Scorpio season, huh?! This one should be a big steaming doozy for you! In a good way! Maybe! The stars aren’t giving me specifics, but as Venus pops into Sagittarius, it looks like you could be seeing some romantic revelation this month. Sagittarius is the no-nonsense tell-it-like-it-is friend in the film-adaptation of your chart. If you can harness that energy and say exactly what’s been on your mind in the realm of your intimate partnerships, you will reap grand rewards.
But here is the sticky-wicket: Mercury will be retrograding most of this month. This celestial equivalent of Mercury doing the backwards speed-walk of an experienced tour guide will make big conversations a little foggy and might antagonize misunderstandings. Deliver your truth with a satin hoof, my friend, and try to be patient and generous with whatever comes your way in response. Also, it is important for all of us to be extra careful when it comes to keeping our possessions close. As a sign that is well-known for loving yourself some earthly possessions, I recommend purchasing a cool glasses chain and maybe keeping your fanny pack securely fastened from takeoff to landing.
Now that I have gazed upon your chart, I understand why I haven’t heard from any of the Geminis in my life for a minute! Y’all have been busy as the day is long! Well, actually, you are busier than the day is long, seeing as how I rose from sleep this morning at a reasonable daytime hour of 7 a.m. to such a pitch black darkness I wondered if I had recently fugue-shopped some black-out curtains on the Amazon (I didn’t, it’s winter, that’s how daylight savings and seasons and time and stuff work, okay I friggin get it Benjamin Franklin jeez!). What I’m saying is: This is a beautifully productive time in your life, my friend.
The energy of Venus in Sagittarius should fire up your creativity and when we get our full moon in Taurus on the 12th, you will be all ablaze with revelation. This might throw you off your balance, but hopefully with this forewarning, you can plan ahead. Creativity is a spiritual and mysterious force. We are not always in control of the things that bubble up from the primordial goo of our psychic undergirdings. We are in control of how we respond. Take time to slow down and nurture yourself even in the midst of this generative whirlwind. This kind of self-care will help you bring clarity and grace to the difficult conversations that might spring up due to our old friend Mercury getting his retrograde on this month. You may find yourself reconsidering decisions you’ve made or conversations you had last month. This is a foggy time and the more burned out you are the less clarity you’ll have.
You know I always want to advise decadent baths and long periods of rest and relaxation. I am so happy that the stars of your chart have presented me with this opportunity. Dear Cancer, stop doing stuff. Or at least stop doing so much stuff. Or only add stuff to your schedule that is nurturing and soothing. With Venus in Sagittarius this month, both the romantic and the creative aspects of your life should receive a burst of energy. However, you might miss it if you don’t slow down long enough to attend to these parts of your life.
The full moon in Taurus on the 12th is going to be a big one for you. According to the stars, this time could feel like the emotional equivalent of sitting in one of those old-timey carnival dunk-tanks where if someone hits a target with a ball you would get submerged in icy water, only in this instance a whole world champion fast-pitch softball team decided to blow off some steam and you’re just getting dunked and dunked and dunked. I’m sorry that this may be hard to hear, but I’m not sorry in the grand scheme of things because this is actually a gift from a universe that loves and holds you. The key to making it through this emotionally trying time is to lean on your friends. Turn toward the people who care about you and let them bolster you, because I promise you they want to.
Oh you pocket-full of sunshine, you flash of ankle beneath a Victorian woman’s skirt, what a lively November the stars have lined up for you! We enter this month with Venus in your fellow fire-sign Sagittarius. This signals boundless depths of pleasure and fun for you. This month will be like going to a public park to cry only to find that it is national Corgi day and they are having a massive Corgi meetup right near the fountain where you like to publicly weep. So instead of weeping from whatever existential dread has you down, you will be weeping because you are now surrounded on all sides by a sea of joyful, licky, wiggle-bottoms that just want to have a good time. That is basically what you can expect this month in terms of your romantic and social life—a surprise coterie of wigglebottoms that do not know you but love you all the same.
More good news! The full moon in Taurus heralds a watershed moment in your career. I’m seeing you receive a call you’ve been waiting on, or perhaps finally meeting just the right person to put you on. As per usual when we are in a time of Mercury retrograde, I would caution you not to ink any contracts until that naughty planet goes direct on the 20th.
Get ready to restock your autumnal scented candle collection because Venus is sliding into Sagittarius and this movement is bringing serious nesting vibes into your life. Which, as a decadance-loving, throw-pillow addict, I am wholly in favor of. You will find your analytical, detail-oriented personality not only makes you an ace at work and planning vacations and never overdrafting your account, but also can help you succeed in the pursuit of ultimate coziness. This is an excellent time to invite friends and family into your home to marvel at your tasteful decor and sip mulled wine.
On the energetic flipside, Mercury’s retrograde movement this month will have you applying that famed analytic mind to nit-picking every detail of conversations that you had last month. You will find yourself asking questions like, “When she said that she loved my new bangs was she subtely implying that I have a stupid forehead?” or “What did it mean when that dude I met at the work party said that he wanted to pick my brain? Are we flirting or are we leveraging?” The stars and I both advise you to ease up and when you notice yourself going into hyper-analytic overdrive, just take a big calming whiff of your gourmand candle until you chill out.
Hello Librans, did you have a fun birthday month? I hope that it was the birthday month equivalent of buttercream frosting and a memory foam pillow. Luckily, the fun isn’t over yet. With your ruling planet Venus moving into Sagittarius, a new level of passion is accessible to you. As always, balance is important and when Libras are out of balance they can tend toward the erratic. What I’m saying is, this new wave of passion could lead to a major breakthrough in your novel or you could find yourself in a tattoo shop getting the face of your partner’s dog tattooed on your bicep as a conciliatory post-fight attempt to make up. Make sure you check in with yourself before launching full-throttle into anything.
This is also important advice with regards to your career. This month is more focused on your money and your work life than last month was. The Mercury retrograde will have you re-examining deals or decisions that you made last month. Although this kind of analysis can bring you new insight, it can also become a terrible drag. My advice is to keep your eyes front and center, don’t get that tattoo unless the dog is objectively cute (like people-stop-the-dog-on-the-street-and-follow-it-on-Instagram levels of cute), and don’t be too hard on yourself as you navigate these uncharted waters.
Illustration by Audrey Weber.
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